LAST MAY
salamm ive just finished isya’ with my family and while waiting to for ayah to finish his sunnah salah we was snacking at the dining table at if im not mistaken as i glance to the left i saw something but its not scary or anything it was just took me by surprised just because and it happened so quick i cant evennnn but i was happy? let me elaborate this is because ive suddenly remember that the post ive read years ago when your time is up like there’s this post telling like 100 days before you die what you’ll feel see etc you know so if its true and i believe it to be true im happy because my god is finally answering my prayer because ive been making doa everyday to god just end my life like take me because i dont want to do it… my family cant go through with that situation and ive thought of hiring an assassin like hahahahah please laugh if off anyways bestie i gotta tell you this im ready honestly i cant do it anymore i finally opened up to a doctor about what im facing and its just okay but it kept on relapsing and i dont know what to do anymore lol. also the voice in me i have a name for them now at least 2 of them there’s qaryn and the other one is idk yet but i talk to qaryn most of the time i think decided to name her since we were born with a karin so i put q to represent me in qaryn lol its whatever but idk i feel like dying wont be so hard anymore i cant do anything anymore i feel trapped i cry in the shower i cry when i try to sleep im tearing up as im writing this. huuuh i feel so weak although i feel like ive been on my sleeping schedule like sleeping at 11pm and waking around 5.30am-6am ish~ like being constantly sad is exhausting i cannot do this anymore i love everyone. i love what my dr told me, she said i need to let others take care of things and just focus on me but i feel thats just selfish and i cant you know im always tired and really am from school and home i want to go please god please show me you care im ti
